You know those people who are just a bit higher up in the hierarchy of whatever situation? They could be a boss, or an older family member, or a teacher of any kind. Yeah those kinds of people. You know how some of them get big headed and suddenly expect you to do whatever they say just cause their in that position and you're beneath them? You know how some of them suddenly feel that you have an obligation to them more than to yourself? I had a fat ass run in with one of those kinds of people today. Someone I had respected and admired until about 6:45 this evening. A black belt. Someone who had not only accomplished what I wanted to accomplish but was one of the few females who had done so in the school.
In asking this person to contribute to a fundraiser to send our team to a world championship competition in France (a team that I am not a part of but am helping to organize the fundraiser for out of the goodness of my fat ass heart) she actually cut me off and, in front of two other black belts, my boss, and a good friend who is part of the team going, said, "You better not tell me cause every time I ask you for a favor you say no. So have _______ ask me cause if you ask me for a favor I won't do it!"
Really? Is that how childish you want to be? Cause I'm pretty sure I'll get nothing from this fundraiser but headaches and lack of sleep. Here's what really happened. She asked me if I was interested in doing an exhibition fight, and I thought about it for a second and then said no. I don't like competition. But more than that I thought she might be talking about one of the show fights she sometimes gets our girls to do. The kind of fights where some fat old rich white men sit around in tuxedos drinking brandy while watching two girls duke it out in the ring. That's how those fights are. The men there treat the fighters like crap. They have to take the freight elevator, they can't even take a regular elevator. Sorry, but I'm not interested. In either case she didn't ask me if I could or if I would. She was very casual and made it sound like she was just tossing the idea out there. She asked me one time. One time. I'm pretty sure one time is not every time.
As it turns out (and she did not explain this until later) the fight was actually for a benefit hosted by our school a couple of weeks ago. Had I known that I would have been more inclined to do it but reluctant nonetheless. So now she's come at me twice and flat out said or insinuated that I don't want to do enough for the school which apparently offends her to know end. Here's the deal. I work at the school full time and I train there 6 days a week. I have organized special events, and I am also an officer of the elite club within the school. I go to every seminar I can afford which means giving up my precious weekends and my precious Sunday which is the one day out of the week that I don't have to go in. No one can tell me I don't do enough for the school. No one can tell me I don't support the school, and whoever tries doesn't know shit.
I do have a life outside martial arts. I am in a serious relationship, am trying to get my writing career underway, and have ritual and coven meetings to attend. Sometimes those things clash. I can't do everything that comes up with the school. I've made a lot of sacrifices for this so forgive me if I try not to let martial arts completely take over my life. Last I checked I was allowed to have a life of my own and a mind of my own too.
Yet, somehow this person got it in her head that she had asked me three times to fight for that event when it was only one, and that by not doing it I'm not supporting the school, and have offended her personally by the fact that I chose not to fight for a benefit that had nothing to do with her or myself in the first place.
Apparently I should feel a higher obligation to her and whatever vague requests she asks of me than I do of my own life, well-being and sanity. So here's what I have to say to that and to anyone else like that out there:
Fuck you and your inflated ego. Fuck you and your "you done me so wrong" attitude. Fuck you and your childish response to a question. Fuck you and your desire to humiliate me to make yourself feel better. Fuck you and your judgement that I don't do enough, that I don't care enough, that I don't work hard enough. Fuck you and your convoluted idea that I owe you somehow.
I have no time, energy or obligation to someone who thinks any of that is okay. So, put that shit in a box and lock it in your closet. You should know better.
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